Popsicles

It's funny how things affect you in ways you never expected. You convince yourself you feel a certain way, and you are absolutely certain that's what you believe. Then that moment comes, and somehow, you don't feel that way anymore. It reminds me of being a kid again.
You are sure you want the red popsicle. You have never been so sure of anything in your life, it has to be red. You don't even know what flavor red is, but that's what you want. You say it over and over again. Red, red, red, red, gimme the red one. Your mom grabs a popsicle. You see the color through the translucent plastic wrapper. Its red! Your heart jumps. She unwraps it and hands it to you. You taste the icy sweetness.
Oh no! I didn't want red! It was blue I wanted all along! You are forced to finish your red one, all the while dreaming of blue.
What is it about our nature that makes us this way? We make decisions about ourselves before we even know anything about what we truly want, or what we truly are, or what we truly need. We are continually impulsive, selfish and arrogant. I think it's because we continually lie to ourselves, because we want to be happy so bad that we can't cope any other way. We lie and say that we are happy, we lie and say we are caring, altruistic, loving, even-tempered people. Then when we do the opposite, we lie again and say that it was a one-time thing. We refuse to acknowledge our true selves because we know that on the inside we are filthy.
Guess what? I am filthy inside too. I lie. I cheat. I steal. I hate. I judge. I am lazy. I am greedy. I lust. I get angry. I do everything that I don't want to do, and I don't do everything I should do. But what I don't want to do is lie to myself and say that's ok. I need to stop and think, and say that I am nothing, and Christ is everything.